I'm Not as Together as I Look — The Feral Feed Vol. 003
I'm Not as Together as I Look — This Is the Part I Don't Usually Post
For the ones who are trying so hard, and still feel like it's not enough.
I want to talk about something I don't usually say out loud.
A lot of my posts are positive. I try to frame the hard things in a way that points toward light, toward growth, toward something. And I want to be clear — that's not fake. That's not performance. That's me genuinely trying to find my place in this world and hold onto it.
But there's a version of me that the internet doesn't always see.
The one who wakes up some mornings so sad she doesn't want to get out of bed. The one who has felt bitter. Jealous. Angry at people who didn't deserve it — and maybe some who did. The one who has looked at her own life and thought I don't even have a reason to feel this way — and felt guilty about that too.
I've been hurt. And I've carried it. And some days the carrying looks graceful, and some days it absolutely does not.
I'm writing this for you.
If you've ever looked at someone like me — someone who seems kind and steady and put together — and thought I wish I could be like that. I wish I didn't feel the things I feel. This is for you.
Those feelings you're ashamed of? They're human. Deeply, normally human. Envy. Anger. Self-loathing. Even hatred. They show up. They have always shown up. They showed up in the Psalms. They showed up in the disciples. They show up in me.
"Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep." — Romans 12:15
That verse doesn't say perform joy for those who are joyful and hide your grief so nobody is uncomfortable. It says weep. It makes room for all of it.
But I don't want to normalize living there.
There's a difference between an emotion visiting you and setting up permanent residence.
Feeling jealous is human. Letting jealousy drive your decisions, your relationships, your self-worth — that's where it becomes a problem. And that's where faith, honest community, and real self-reflection come in for me. Not to shame the feeling. But to ask: what is this trying to tell me, and where do I go from here?
I don't think the goal is to never feel the dark things. I think the goal is to feel them, name them, bring them somewhere safe, and let them be witnessed without judgment. That's the whole point of this table.
The comparison trap.
I've sat in rooms and listened to women share their stories and thought — wow, I don't even know if I have the right to complain. And I've also sat with my own story and had someone look at me and say, Tia, you've been through a lot. Both of those things happened. Both of them are true at the same time.
Your pain doesn't need a permission slip. Your emotions don't have to earn their validity by being worse than someone else's. Ordinary pain is still pain.
"You don't have to have the hardest story in the room for your story to matter."
What I want you to walk away with.
Not a resolution. Not a five-step plan. Just this:
- The negative emotions are not evidence that something is wrong with you. They are evidence that you are human and you have been affected by life. That's not a flaw. That's a fact.
- You are allowed to feel all of it. Anger, bitterness, grief, envy, sadness — feel it. Name it. Don't let it run the show, but don't pretend it isn't there either.
- Positivity that costs you honesty isn't strength. It's just a different kind of hiding.
- There are people at this table who have been exactly where you are. Including me. Especially me.
Some days I am the most encouraging person in the room. Some days I genuinely do not know how I am going to keep going. Both of those are true. Both of those are me.
And maybe — maybe — that's exactly what this space is for.
So if you're in a dark corner right now. If you're the one who wants so badly to be good and kind and a positive force in this world but some days you just don't know how you're going to do it — I see you. I have been you. I am, sometimes, still you.
Pull up a chair. You don't have to have it figured out to belong here. 🔥🌲
— Tia
Written in real time. Unpolished on purpose. This is what The Feral Feed is for.
🖤
Pull up a chair. 🔥
Join The Feral Table — our private community for women who are done going it alone. Or listen to the podcast, find your people in the directory, and come to the next gathering.
I'm Not as Together as I Look — This Is the Part I Don't Usually Post
For the ones who are trying so hard, and still feel like it's not enough.
I want to talk about something I don't usually say out loud.
A lot of my posts are positive. I try to frame the hard things in a way that points toward light, toward growth, toward something. And I want to be clear — that's not fake. That's not performance. That's me genuinely trying to find my place in this world and hold onto it.
But there's a version of me that the internet doesn't always see.
The one who wakes up some mornings so sad she doesn't want to get out of bed. The one who has felt bitter. Jealous. Angry at people who didn't deserve it — and maybe some who did. The one who has looked at her own life and thought I don't even have a reason to feel this way — and felt guilty about that too.
I've been hurt. And I've carried it. And some days the carrying looks graceful, and some days it absolutely does not.
I'm writing this for you.
If you've ever looked at someone like me — someone who seems kind and steady and put together — and thought I wish I could be like that. I wish I didn't feel the things I feel. This is for you.
Those feelings you're ashamed of? They're human. Deeply, normally human. Envy. Anger. Self-loathing. Even hatred. They show up. They have always shown up. They showed up in the Psalms. They showed up in the disciples. They show up in me.
"Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep." — Romans 12:15
That verse doesn't say perform joy for those who are joyful and hide your grief so nobody is uncomfortable. It says weep. It makes room for all of it.
But I don't want to normalize living there.
There's a difference between an emotion visiting you and setting up permanent residence.
Feeling jealous is human. Letting jealousy drive your decisions, your relationships, your self-worth — that's where it becomes a problem. And that's where faith, honest community, and real self-reflection come in for me. Not to shame the feeling. But to ask: what is this trying to tell me, and where do I go from here?
I don't think the goal is to never feel the dark things. I think the goal is to feel them, name them, bring them somewhere safe, and let them be witnessed without judgment. That's the whole point of this table.
The comparison trap.
I've sat in rooms and listened to women share their stories and thought — wow, I don't even know if I have the right to complain. And I've also sat with my own story and had someone look at me and say, Tia, you've been through a lot. Both of those things happened. Both of them are true at the same time.
Your pain doesn't need a permission slip. Your emotions don't have to earn their validity by being worse than someone else's. Ordinary pain is still pain.
"You don't have to have the hardest story in the room for your story to matter."
What I want you to walk away with.
Not a resolution. Not a five-step plan. Just this:
- The negative emotions are not evidence that something is wrong with you. They are evidence that you are human and you have been affected by life. That's not a flaw. That's a fact.
- You are allowed to feel all of it. Anger, bitterness, grief, envy, sadness — feel it. Name it. Don't let it run the show, but don't pretend it isn't there either.
- Positivity that costs you honesty isn't strength. It's just a different kind of hiding.
- There are people at this table who have been exactly where you are. Including me. Especially me.
Some days I am the most encouraging person in the room. Some days I genuinely do not know how I am going to keep going. Both of those are true. Both of those are me.
And maybe — maybe — that's exactly what this space is for.
So if you're in a dark corner right now. If you're the one who wants so badly to be good and kind and a positive force in this world but some days you just don't know how you're going to do it — I see you. I have been you. I am, sometimes, still you.
Pull up a chair. You don't have to have it figured out to belong here. 🔥🌲
— Tia
Written in real time. Unpolished on purpose. This is what The Feral Feed is for.
🖤
Pull up a chair. 🔥
Join The Feral Table — our private community for women who are done going it alone. Or listen to the podcast, find your people in the directory, and come to the next gathering.